Did you know this IPA will give you magical powers? Well it does. It will make you happy, strong, funny, and smart – ALL AT ONCE. It makes everything better. It cures cancer! It’s a vaccine for once eradicated viruses that are now coming back because of fucking unqualified morons in charge! And best of all, IT WILL MAKE YOU RICH. Why? Because scientists just discovered that Lupulin contains a new type of bi-delta acid oil precursor that, if you use enough hops per bbl, will create new subdural neural connections that will allow you to predict the future of cryptocurrency markets. That means you can invest in the next coin – like AlphaPatriot$ – and cash out at peak valuation. BOOM -YOU’RE RICH. All you need to do is buy this beer – loaded with Simcoe & Elani hops – along with three of your friends, and you’ll be on the fast track to POWER.